I believe I have got a version of post traumatic stress disorder

I was corresponding with Ian's school regarding sick policy and composed an email to try to work it out. While writing I put together that maybe I have a slight version of PTS. Of course nothing like someone who has been to war. But a version that many of my mommy friends have. We who have gone through similar years of stress trying to support our precious babies survival. I thought I'd copy it here so I can remember why I'm so touchy and emotional sometimes. And maybe some day Lila can understand her mommy's sensitivities better.

The policy is to give 24 hours notice if he is sick. I'm just sharing the bit about my revelation while I shared my concern with them.

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There is usually no way I can be sure if when Ian will be ready for school during the sick season. He might even seem ok in the morning but when I'm driving him to school he sneezes up green or coughs a bunch. In that case I will not bring him in. 

But what usually happens is he is sick for a while and I'm never sure when he'll be over it. A lot can happen in a nighttime to either allow him to rest and get a bit better or allow the germs to kick in and make him worse. If he would benefit from a day of rest and breathing treatments we will go that route. 

He has chronic lung disease and, while it's under control now, pulmonary hypertension. We spent over half of his first 2 years of life in the hospital. Every time my daughter would sniffle or cough once, it would send my nerves into overdrive because inevitably that meant we would eventually be admitted to the hospital. You can imagine what that did to me. 

It's honestly almost like I have post traumatic stress disorder. I've gotten so much better over the last two years with probably less than 10 admits in total. And many for other reasons, including his hypoglycemia, which finally seems under control at the moment. Another reason we've missed a few days of school.

I'm also just getting used to waking up in the morning less anxious about the fact that I will find Ian not able to be aroused due to a low sugar number. My daughter has gotten in the mode of waiting to hear if she needs to run and get orange juice to bring his number up. His numbers have been over 100 just the last week and a half. The nightly shots must be working.

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