Not the best day for Mommy.

It really should have been a lovely day for me. Lila began school today, kind of. It was more of an orientation, just 1 hour, but it was the first hour with her new class, new teacher, as a kindergardener. I was probably as nervous as she was. Just for her and for us as a family. Ian stayed with a babysitter. We went. People seemed very nice. Lila seemed okay with it. But it just doesn't feel like the right place for us. But it's a very nice school and clearly a neighborhood school, just not our neighborhood. But our neighborhood school isn't that either. We do know 2 kids who are in kinder and 1 in 1st at Richmond which will be nice for Lila and for me as the Mom's are terrific. They aren't in her class but she'll meet kids. She's pretty good at that.

I really felt WISH was the place for us but I called them once again and there's been no movement.  There were 3 spots and I was 50 on the list on the 1st day of their school year. I've been told it's not unheard of to make it. But we didn't. And I'm so exhausted from just everything that after hearing  another no, I lost it. Embarrassing but true. I got it together and apologized but how embarrassing. It was also clear that I had been contacting them too much but it's that time of year where kids are moving all the time.

How this relates back to Ian is this. Honestly I can't remember what I've written in other posts and I'm too tired to look. WISH is a charter in the neighborhood that believes in integrating special needs kids with typical. They model themselves after CHIME in the valley. They also have smaller class size, more art integrated into the curriculum, music, a constructivist approach to learning, etc. Not only is it a good learning environment for Lila but the kids there see special needs kids as "normal". Which is how I want Lila to always view her brother as, no matter what his needs turn out to be. And there's 5 kids within a couple blocks of our home who attend.

Anyway, it's out and I need to move on. We will just need to work on the importance of seeing all children as equal. And I will just cross every fingers, toes and hairs that she doesn't end up getting teased about and end up being embarrassed of her brother. That will break my heart.

We also saw another new doc at NAPA after Ian's 2 hours of therapy there. His name is Dr. Max Collins. He does a thing called Frequency Module Light Response and he's also a chiropractor with a sixth sense for what's wrong with people. He told me Ian needs to have osteopath treatment every day and showed me how to do it. Just pressure with my fingers on the back of his skull and moving his hips in a figure 8 to loosen up the lower muscles and release the pressure on the gut.

He said the primary issue of concern is we've got to create symmetry in the plates within his head. He's got scar tissue within his head/brain and we need to break that up so that we can get the ventricles draining appropriately. He showed me how to hold my fingers under his skull to try to release some of the pressure on either side. And how to move his hips in a figure 8 to relax the muscles in his joints.

For his wet lungs, he feels he needs percussion throughout the day to help dry them out. Also Hyperberic Oxygen Therapy at a low level. (This is something I felt we couldn't do because of his Pulmonary Hypertension. According to Dr. Collins, he needs this because of his PHN) And we need to work on getting him off of steroid breathing treatments. Replacing them with another combination of xylitol, eucalyptus and collodial silver. He also mentioned he has a microbial overgrowth in his system which needs to be dealt with. This has been brought up by another doctor we see in Santa Cruz. Get him off milk of any kind and simple sugars. No kind of milk, less fruit, no bread, rice, etc.

Again, this little bit of info and thinking about implementing it when I'm already overloaded adds to my overwhelm. It also makes me feel that I'm not doing the right things for him, for his diet. And never enough. Add more to the list stresses me out but there's no question of doing it or not. I've got to do all that I can for him, especially at this young age. All this while Mike is out of town, basically for just about 3 weeks now. And there are a bunch of other things adding to it all.

Scheduling Ian's appts and trying to figure out what to do with Lila during them so she doesn't feel bounced around gets to me too. We've now begun our therapy at NAPA regularly in the afternoons. With UCLA beginning on the 11th, it's our only options because they don't have anything in the mornings on Mon or Wed. But the speech therapist whom I'm going back to does have morning appts those days. But do we want to rush north 5 days a week after I drop Lila? And not allow me time to help out in her class or on field trips? Who knows what the best combo is. I guess I'll work it out. Until I have my groove down I will feel a bit chaotic. I'm sure I'll get it together.