Trying to get him some sleep.

There's a minimum of 8 times in a night that Ian can be woken up. On a good night, we have a nice crew who does their darndest not to wake him, but it's usually inevitable. (And that's if you get a nice crew. Anyone who's been in the hospital for more than a day will know what I'm talking about when your "8 o'clock antenna's" are out. They do shift change from 7-8 in the am and the pm and I'm always a bit anxious awaiting the new crew's heads to pop in the door to see who we're dealing with for the next 12 hours)

So every night we retire as soon as we can, which is always much later when he's off eating than when he's on, tonight he finally fell asleep around 10:15. Let me make a correction here... this time he's not actually off food, just nothing by mouth. Because they couldn't get an IV started, he's getting fed formula continuously via his Gtube (thank goodness for that!) But I think to him, because he's not taking it in the way he's used to he is famished, even though he shouldn't really be hungry.

So I just wait anxiously every time I hear the door open. Because I know I can't just give him a bottle to soothe him. Of course there are many who would say I shouldn't do that anyway but in the hospital, that's just what we do. At home I very rarely need to give him anything at night. He'll just wake and play until he falls back asleep. But here, it's different. He needs more.

Our options now are the little green sponge dipped in Pedialyte or water (once he's had a taste of Pedialyte again, water just won't do). And the dipping and sucking can go on for an hour or more. Or, head rubbing and laying my face next to his to try to soothe him. Which usually gets pushed away until he's had enough of the sponge ;-)

Today, Dr. I said we could temporarily turn down his hi-flow and give him an ounce of Pedialyte in his bottle to soothe him. That option is wonderful. At least he can suck on something other than his empty bottle. But after he down's that, he just wants more and gets even more frustrated with me.

At least now we have a name to his virus. The cultures finally came back with one being positive, Human Metapneumovirus or hMPV. A close cousin to RSV which is what our last stint here was for. And like it's cousin, it sounds like most kids get it but for typically healthy kids, you wouldn't know the difference. For sensitive kids like Ian, it takes over. This round is definitely not as bad as last, but of course we're not done with it yet.

Do I sound whiny? I probably do. This time has been tough, even though he hasn't been poked or suctioned as much as last. But it's tough enough to be here watching my baby deal with it all in general but the NPO (nothing by mouth) puts me over the edge. Probably because it drives him crazy. And it's associated with even less sleep than would normally be had in here.

It also gets me that being here and putting him through so much still doesn't stop what ails him. He still has to go through the motions of whatever virus he has. All we're doing here is making him able to get through it with breathing help and more meds (than his usual 20 syringes a day)

And on top of it all, having to send Lila to my parents is such a bummer as well. Like I've said before, thank goodness we have the opportunity to do so. But I just miss her... and just being home together. And of course, being apart from Mike is no fun either. He came by for a few minutes after work tonight to see if he could help. But a few minutes after arriving, he had to go downstairs to do a call, and by the time he returned, he really had to get home to get back to work. They man never stops!

But as I walk around this place, I just keep reminding myself it could be so much worse. There is so much suffering here. And we are so fortunate that I can be here with Ian while he's going through it all. For that I am extremely thankful.