Weekend in the ER... I'm ready for a new year.

I remember going through last year with the financial crisis, among other little challenges, thinking I can't wait for 2010. Well now I'm ready for a new year, and I really hope that it couldn't be worse than this one. (let's knock on wood)

A good friend of ours lost his battle with cancer last Saturday. He was the husband of the manager of Developmentor UK (Mike's business) Although he lived in the UK and I did not see him often it sadens me so. He was one of those men that you marvel at: extremely intelligent, an amazing husband, a fabulous cook and seemed to have a lust for life and knowledge that was unending. His wife and grown boys are equally as amazing. He was a genuinly caring and thoughtful man as well.

Another good friend of ours has a niece who unexpectedly came down with a very fast acting infection which caused her to loose her feet and hands. Can you believe that! A sweet little 8 year old girl gets hit by something this horrible. Her family is unable to cover costs of all that she's going through so have to hold benefits to help out. (http://www.friendsofbella.org & http://www.bellatucker.org and see Friends of Bella on Facebook.)

And of course our situation. It's not nearly as traumatic as the two above but it is pushing us to our limits none the less. I'm really hoping this is our limits and we need not be stretched further because I'm really not sure how much more I can take, but I hate to say that and tempt fate.

Ian and I spent two long days in the ER this weekend. While most of the city was out enjoying the beautiful weather, we were sitting on an uncomfortable gurney in a little room with people coming in and out to poke and prod my little Ian. His oxygen sat was off again and he had labored breathing. It wasn't as bad as last weekend but it still made me nervous. So we went in on Saturday. Turns out they though the x-ray showed no signs of fluid so we eventually went home. Even though they all meant well, I know that some of those young residents were thinking I was just a crazy over-reacting Mom that needed to be apeased by the doctors. But you know what... I don't really care what they think. As Ian's doctors say, I need to be safe rather than sorry. This little boy has no reserve for second-guessing.

Then last night I received a call from one of Ian's Pulmonologist's. She said when the attending physician took a look at the x-ray, he did see fluid in the left lung. After talking about how he was breathing, we decided I would come in the next day, which was today, Monday.

I headed in after spending some time with Lila and Daddy in the morning. We also had a nurse come back for a few hours so she was helping out with the morning meds and breathing treatment. Of course when I arrived at the ER, they again looked very skeptically at me. I swear I feel like I need to prove myself for being there... but not really. Seems Ian feels more at home at the hosptial than at home ;-) Every time we arrive, his labored breathing mellows out. Maybe he just feels some sense of peace there.

Anyway, we were put in a room and the doctor who had called us met us there so she could make sure all was getting done correctly. She's an amazingly thorough doctor who really cares about Ian. We waitied for an Echo Cardiogram and eventually another x-ray of his lungs. The echo showed the same condition as when we left the NICU, which was good. The x-ray showed the same amount of fluid as was there when I came in two days before on Saturday. The doc decided to up one inhalent and add another to try to clear it up. But she's determined to find out why this keeps happening. I'm really hoping it's not aspiration, which she feels is one of the top possibilites on her list.

She and my favorite resident who happened to be working both asked the question, what if we took him off of anything via mouth for a week to see if it went away. That's a very tough question. Just like I answered the nurse who asked how important breast feeding is to me, the answer is extremely. I told them, just as I had told the nurse, I'm trying to defy the odds here. If I can keep his brain working to exercise the suck/swallow/breathe function, maybe I can keep him from loosing it. Although at the same time, as I had asked Dr. Pornchi the week before, if he's gagging a bit while feeding am I causing more problems by possible aspiration? He had said no that we have to just read him and see. They are saying we need to look at this possibility. Very sad any way you look at it.

And tomorrow (Tuesday) morning we have the dreaded appointment with Dr. Lazareff. He's the Neurosurgeon who will tell us whether the ventricles in Ian's brain have grown larger in the past two weeks which will require a shunt to be put in his head. Needless to say I'm a bit anxious about this whole thing. Mike & I realize we need to do what is required but are so not in favor of this surgery. Who would be, right?

The rest of the week is filled with cardiology, G-tube clinic and more Pulmonology appointments. Hopefully, they will all be "unremarkable" as they say. Meaning not of any concern or importance. Let's knock on wood.