Momma needs a pump.

Yesterday was my first real bedside training with my sweet boy. I hadn't been there to hold him or care for him since last Saturday because of my cold. He was fussier than before. They recently took him off his Methodone and switched his feeds around a bit. He went from 72 cc's, with a formula calorie boost, to now getting 85 cc's of just breast milk. Who knows if his fussiness was because of either of these things or if he's just becoming more active and verbal. Hard to say but very difficult to experience, especially while learning to care for him medically.

I definitely took care of a fussy baby before. Lila had "colic" for the first four months of her life. I swear we almost wore a hole in that yoga ball because we had to bounce her so much ;-) And that would only work for about 5 minutes. (Every trick seemed to last just that long)

But trying to connect a syringe to his feeding tube, pour the milk in and allow it to slowly release into his tummy, all while trying to calm him down (so the milk actually goes in instead of coming back up through the syringe due to the pressure he's exerting because of crying) that's a whole different ball of wax. Not to mention putting all the medications in! I did this yesterday with the nurses and it was super tricky! And this is with quite competent skilled RN's who do it every day. Trying to imagine me at home by myself, without the pre-measured meds (and the rolling tray to put them on) and the monitors to make sure he's okay and the extra hands to help calm him and attempt to hold the binkie in and keep him from flailing all over! He's just like his sister in gargantuan strength for a baby his size (which is just about 5 kilo or 11 lbs.)

Bringing me to the title, Momma needs a pump. We had discussed it with one of the discharge nurses but I'm not sure what the decision ended up being. If I'm able to use a pump to control the input of milk into his tummy, not only can it be controlled speed, which I believe will be more comfortable for him, but it will free up my hands and my mind to be able to either pump myself for more milk or nurse him during his feed which is the more important reason. When he nurses, he doesn't get enough quickly to fill his tummy so he gets frustrated. If I'm able to push a button to slowly fill his tummy once he gets going nursing then maybe he will associate fullness with nursing and keep going.

This is something I've been stressing about. I'm trying to picture how I'm going to feed him with his meds every 3 hours, pump every 2-4 and ever attempt to nurse him. This doesn't include trying to give him a bottle, which I think I'm going to leave up to his Daddy and other caregivers unless the OT disagrees because he needs to practice. With the "draining from the syringe" method, I might as well give up pumping and nursing and just switch to formula now. It will just be too much.