I'm writing this from Ian's bedroom. It's the first time I've sat here in the rocker since I've been home.  It's almost finished, new carpet, paint, bookcase & dresser. The window is dressed with lovely curtains and valance, that my sister made, and has a new blind. It came out quite lovely. But it feels so completely empty. There's stacks of blankies and things sitting on his dresser top and there's a layer of dust around them. Just a testament to the void the room holds. Mike set up my rented pump in here thinking it might be a nice private place to do it. Not sure if it's a good idea or a bad idea to be in here. We'll see.

This morning, after Lila was on her way to Disneyland, one of our fabulous neighbors gave me a ride up to the hospital so Mike could stay and do a bit of work. He's got to get back into the swing of things and attend to his business. I can't wait until I can drive again, so I don't have to put people out, but am so lucky to have many offer to help until then.

Ian's numbers were a little wacky when I arrived and throughout the day. Kind of bouncing around a bit. It was a little noisy in the room, and they had weaned a few things, so the combination was probably just a bit much for our sensitive guy. His nurse, as usual, was watching over him diligently and adjusting things as necessary.

After yesterday's talk with his nurse, who's also a lactation consultant, I was so much more diligent about my pumping. It really feels as if it's going to help. They all keep reminding me it's going to be the best thing for him when he's ready to eat and I know that.

One thing I noticed was his face was way less puffy today. Funny thing was that the nurse said she came on and because it was her first time with him, she commented to someone that he looked a little puffy. But others who have cared for him and came by to check on him while she's been on have noticed the same thing I did. I actually took some photos of him yesterday and had my camera with me to do more and showed her the difference and she was quite surprised.

I was so excited to take some more shots of his cute little face, now that I could really see it. Unfortunately, it was a sensitive day so there wasn't really a time that we felt okay to uncover his eyes while they weren't doing something else to him. (They lay little light pieces of fabric, which I actually wear for a day so he can have my scent near him, over his eyes to shield his eyes from the light of the room.)

We actually had time to visit Mike's Dad in his extended care facility and afterwards meet my parents for dinner, which was so nice. They came down again so my Dad could donate platelets for Ian tomorrow (He just happens to be O- which is what Ian is). We had just missed them visiting Ian because we had to do an errand before a store closed. It was so nice to connect in a quiet, relaxing setting.

Coming home tonight felt very strange. Lila is at Disneyland with my sister and her husband and will stay the night with them in a hotel near the park. It's so quiet, which is really nice, but sad at the same time. It's difficult when we are both so exhausted after being at the hospital all day and come home to a very energetic little girl who really needs time with us. It's all we can do to pull out the energy we need to keep up with her for a few hours. We're getting a much-needed evening break.  We will eventually get into a better groove, hopefully be getting more sleep and have more energy, which will make it easier, but for now, it's really tricky.

One funny bit that I haven't mentioned, because I didn't do an additional entry on Friday, was my doctor visit. I had a feeling I was possibly getting a urinary tract infection so I wanted to go check it out. Another thing I was so curious about was how much Mag was still left in my blood. He also had my lungs x-rayed just to make sure they were clear. (This made me kind of feel even more connected to Ian and I told him about my about it when I saw him that day.) They weighed me, as is customary for a visit such as this. The day his was born, I was weighed in the morning, and of course was quite shocked by the number she read off. In one week, I dropped 19 pounds! Quite an amazing diet, right?  ;-)