This is what pushes me over the edge.

I just got off a iChat with my beautiful little Lila. She's having a very hard night as am I. We began the evening by speaking on the phone, then she wanted to chat on the computer. When it came to go, she didn't want to. She was crying and saying "I don't want to go" this is exasperated by the horrible iChat video and audio quality... it makes it so distorted it's even more heart wrenching!

It's totally understandable. She's only 2 3/4 and she goes from having her Mommy with her 24/7 to gone for weeks. It's very hard for me to hold it together while I speak to her... and question is, should I? She said she's sad that I'm not there. I did acknowledge her sadness and told her I was sad too. But then I began to cry. Hopefully with the poor quality of connection and her short attention span, she didn't notice.

It's hard cause her Daddy is there trying to deal with all of this and I could tell they had a hard day. I think it's wearing on her and him. I know it's wearing on me. It's been 11 long days of not being with her.

So lucky at least they've been able to come visit. Maybe they should just plan to come every day and that will make it easier for all of us. They were here Wed, Thurs & Sat. Hope to see them tomorrow night.

Wow! This is crazy hard to deal with. I know there are so many more difficult things in life but this is definitely a trying experience all around. But, it's all about my little boy and making him as healthy as possible. We've all got to keep our eye on that ball... focus on the big picture of how our family will be so much stronger and happier for it.