A lovely day with Ian

In some ways I'm in fear of saying that Ian had a good day because every time he does, it seems a prelude to bad news the next. But as I've been told by many, we need to celebrate each moment/day as we go. So I will share my celebration today with our beautiful little boy. 

Before I arrived, I spoke to the nurse and she went into what a hard time he was having. She said he was withdrawling from the pain meds he'd been on and, the new attending doctor on, Dr. Anderson, had decided to take him off the Delotted and put him on Methidone to help him with the withdrawl's. She said they had done and Epsom score (if I understand it correctly), which looks through a series of 15-20 different signals he might be giving them that he's uncomfortable from the withdrawl's (such as skin looking modeled, not sleeping, sweating, respiratory rate fluxes, diapers more watery, etc.) and when the score is greater than 8 or 9, which Ian's was, they then treat him with regular Methidone as well as spot doses. 

I just felt horrible. Had he been awake the whole two days Mike and I were gone sick? Maybe he was looking for us?

Anyway, I headed up there as soon as Lona was here to watch Lila, I could get my things done at the house (including responding to an image request... oh yeah, I'm a photographer ;-) and complete a couple of errands. 

Thank goodness I felt much better from my head cold and I felt comfortable heading in for a visit. When I walked in, he was crying so I soothed him a bit. I noticed many changes since two days past. For one, I could see both of his hands and feet for the first time. This was once the nurse unwrapped him from his swaddle! And under the swaddle, he was wearing a red onesie! Who was this little dressed baby with only one IV coming from his wrist and a pacifier in his mouth? ;-) I barely recognized him. Many firsts for him today.

Together with the nurse, we calmed him down. I gathered my things to pump and sang to him while I did. As much as I could tell, he seemed "happy" that I was there. When I was done pumping, we cleaned him up which included changing his diaper. Another kind of "normal" change. He had poop and as soon as I wiped him up and had the new diaper under him, he pooped again and then started peeing. First time I really dealt with the whole having a boy diaper change ;-) 

Then the nurse asked if I wanted to hold him. Of course I said yes! We were just getting ready when someone called to ask about doing a Echo Cardiogram on him. So we waited. But while we waited, she asked if I wanted to change him into an open crib. Really? These were big steps! The nurse across the way also mentioned he could have a mobile and some toys. I'd been seeing these other babies in the cribs with their mobiles and wondering when my little guy would graduate to that combo. How exciting!

Before I could blink, a team of people were taking on the task of unhooking and moving all the tubes & cords (granted, many less tubes & cords than usual). I had just brought a bag of clean blankies to use which included a bunch of really cool organic ones I had recently gotten as gifts from different friends. Out went the plastic "incubator" style bed and in came a very cool speckled white crib with super hip blankies! He looked like such a different boy lying in this facing the beautiful natural light. What a difference!

The nurse decided we had waited long enough so we geared up for the hold. I was so ready. As she was placing him in my arms, Mike walked in. Perfect timing! We began with him upright but soon I asked if I couldn't hold him in the crook of my arm. He didn't seem into being upright and she and I had both picked him up earlier horizontally and he seemed to dig it. As soon as we switched position, he just settled right in. Here I was, just a Mommy sitting in a rocker, with my little boy in a light blankie and my arms. I could have sat there all night! And to top it off, his Daddy was there taking photos. We were just drinking up the moment. So lovely!

Mike had to take off after a few minutes to get some work done. Within a half hour, the echo tech came by. He said I could continue to hold him while he did the scan. He was a dream while having it done. So sweet. 

Once he finished, we cleaned the gel off of him and, unfortunately, it was time to get back to the crib and have Mommy pump again before heading home to take care of the evening routine with my sweet Lila. He was okay with the transition. The nurse wrapped him up again and there he lay in his beautiful new space, looking so normal snuggling in a blankie with his binkie while Mommy read and sang to him. Such a lovely day with Ian!