Ian nursed!

It was a crazy day back and forth to the hospital yesterday. Dropped Lila with our fabulous neighbor/babysitter/teacher and Lila's best buddy to have their Wed play-date. Rushed up to the hospital and did the prep to hold him once I arrived, diaper change and temp. A bit more upset than usual but eventually calmed down. Then he was my snuggly boy. I asked the nurse about trying to breast feed him and she asked the lactation consultant to come by around 11 for his next feeding. Even though I had pumped just before, we thought at least he could get a little if it he was interested.

She popped in right at 11. By then I had him calmed down and we were all settled. So we just went for it and he started rooting right away! He didn't have a fabulous latch but at least he was really into it. How exciting compared to last week's attempt. I don't think he got a ton of milk this way but he did get some and he showed a strong interest. It's a good start!

While I held him after the nursing session, I had a few conversations. One with the lactation consultant, just reviewing how it went. We both felt it was a pretty phenomenal session. Then with the nurse on, who is really fabulous. She's one of his primary's and we were discussing the overall feeding scheme and how he was doing with it.

It turns out, many times they try to feed him, it's really hard to calm him down and he's quite often upset. This, of course, does not create a good association for him. She wanted to make sure I knew her perspective and that she wasn't ever giving up on him, she just really wanted to make sure he didn't develop an oral aversion which would be detrimental to his health. I was not aware of this. The only thing I'd heard was the OT had trouble once so, when we set up me to be there before she tried the next time. She had asked me to come and hold him a half hour before to make sure he was in a better state when she worked with him. This seemed to help.

She mentioned that her feeding session last week was the same as this one, he wasn't making any progress. While it's great he is still feeding a bit and he's showing us he can still do it, he's just not able to coordinate enough to build up his endurance. Of course, this led to a discussion of the feeding tube. She was for it and wanted to share her thoughts, and hear mine, on the feeding experience thus far and how I felt about the tube. We both agreed that the ideal goal is to get him home as soon as possible. It's known that all babies thrive when they get home, no matter their issues. Makes sense. I'm definitely on the same page. Also, in the hospital they are at risk for infection, which could be a major set-back. The tube is easy to take out once he no longer needs it. She really didn't have to sell me on it, I'm already there. I just want my son to be healthy and come home. In order to make sure he stays healthy, even if he's having issues eating whether from a coordination standpoint, or if he picks up one of Lila's many colds, we need a way to feed him.

So what are the risks? It's a surgery of course. Other than that, it doesn't seem like there are many. I told her I'd discuss it more with Mike and let her know.

On the topic of Mike, he's out of town Wed-Fri and in meetings all day, unable to be contacted by phone, unless it's an emergency. Of course, this is the time all the doctors want to talk. It's amazing how your husband leaving town seems to set off a sense of urgency for conversations with doctors. I'm sure it's just a coincidence but it was a crazy day warding off these conversations!

The neurologist, whom we've been very eager to speak to and have had to be patient because he's not been available in the last two weeks, just happened to have time today. The geneticists wanted to schedule something with me as well. And the g-tube prep people were just chomping at the bit to have a conversation with me. All on a day when I was only going to be there a few hours because I didn't have extra help with Lila.

I was there in the morning for only a little over 2 hours because I had to get back to pick her up by 1. Then was heading back up to give her a little time in the hospital play place for patients and siblings. One of the directors, whom I've been speaking to about Lila, was going to spend time with her to kind of see where her head was about Ian. I told her I'd be up between 2:30-4:00 since they are open short periods, one being 2-4. After doing breathing treatment at home, bathroom and snack, we didn't make it up there until after 3. I dropped her quickly with Rebecca and then headed in to pump by Ian's bedside. By the time I was done and cleaned up, I had to head over to pick her up. They met me in the hallway to  because I was a couple minutes late. There was a doctor waiting outside the curtain for me to finish pumping! I told him that if he wanted to follow me out to pick up Lila, he could but that was the only option he had. We agreed to have me contact him when I was there today.

Afterwards Lila and I went to a friend's house in Westwood for play time and dinner. It's absolutely lovely we all have the amazing support of so many! Luckily it is a love-both-ways situation there. My friend seems to adore Lila and I know Lila adores her. I was able to lie down for a minute while they played and walked to the park. And of course although I walked around in a daze all day, when the opportunity presented itself to rest of course I couldn't sleep. It was still nice to have a rest in a neutral place.

We pushed Lila's bed time staying there to finish the dance party and allow me to pump once more so there was a melt-down upon leaving. She calmed down pretty quickly though. Once at home, I had forgotten her bed was wet from an overflowing diaper the night before and we had to change it. When I finally got her settled down and was able to pump, it was all I could do to keep my eyes open. Of course, that was the time Mike & I could check in. I was so irritable by the end of the cutting-in-and-out cell conversation that I was not pleasant. I hate feeling that way and having that kind of interaction with him. Unfortunately, it just is what it is right now.