So one of the points of this documentation was to allow me to express how I really felt those first days on Magnesium. Because, to be honest, I really didn't believe I was going to make it. I honestly thought I was dying. And if it can help just one other woman in my situation understand that she will make it, it'll be worth my time writing. I'm also wondering if it will be kind of like a therapy for me. Maybe if I type it, somewhow it will be partially cleared from my mind and it will not affect me so much ;-)
This is pretty serious stuff so if you're sensitive, you shouldn't read on.
When they explain that "you're going have a couple of really bad days where you'll have kind of flu-like symptoms" that is the understatement of the century. What they don't exactly tell you is that: you will not be able to keep your eyes open (or if you can open them, you will not be able to focus at all), or lift any of your limbs, you'll be throwing up bile because you can't eat, you'll feel like your whole body is on fire (like a really bad Niacin rush if you've ever felt that), your nose & throat burn constantly, all the fluids in your body feel hot, (even the tears I was crying were hot).
I was literally calling my Mom and asking her to have my Dad look up online to see if people die from overdosing on this stuff because I was certain that's what was happening.
The way they get control of your contractions is to give you a huge dose of the medication up front. (I think the term for it is bolus) Then they keep upping the dose until you are quite high. For instance, the level I'm at now is aprox a 4.5 and has been around there for the last two weeks. When I was at my highest, probably late Saturday night when I first got in (after starting the Mag on Thursday night) my level was up to a 6.6... quite a difference!
The reason they probably don't tell you exactly how you'll react to the stuff is that everyone is different. It sounds like maybe I just happened to be an exceptionally sensitive patient. All during the upping of the dose, they realize you can't take it and turn it off, for a half hour here or an hour there, and you begin to start to feel somewhat normal again... and then they turn it on again. It really feels like a form of torture. I know it's all for the good of the baby but what was going through my mind was, if I don't make it, how will that help my baby or my toddler who is now at home without her Mommy!
So, after the first few days they start to lower the dose. The balance they are trying to find is how low can they take it so it's high enough that the contractions are still not "productive" (meaning so the intensity and pain is not so high that your body starts real labor try to push the baby out) and low enough so that you can feel as if you can function on a day to day basis.
To top it off, as I'm going through this crazy drug, they have to draw my blood every 6 hours. My arm looked like a really bad heroin addict. Every lab tech that came in just shook their heads looking at my poor arm. They started taking from my hand and my wrist. Then, the IV has to be changed every 3 days. The combination of things can really get to you!
Here's what I'd really like to share with anyone being put on the stuff. What I didn't understand, until after a few days, was I was not going to feel normal again until the IV was out of my arm for good. Once I got my head around that, things actually became much more manageable. The trick is the 'ol mind over matter. By Monday night, I realized that even though I didn't feel like having visitors, I needed to invite them. Even though I didn't feel like eating, I needed to eat something. I needed to just move on and almost try to pretend like it wasn't happening. When I did this, I was able to function much better. I didn't necessarily "feel better" I just was coping better.
Each day after I came to this realization, things seemed better. Mag tends to ebb and flow as far as your reaction to it so I'll have my good days and bad... and all that lives in the middle. But the most important thing was that I realized this and acknowledge it as it happens.
One thing I have to say about SM Hospital is they have the most amazing staff I've ever come across! Hands down, the whole crew of nurses, lab techs, room service and even house-keeping are amazing! I don't believe I could have gotten through those first days had they not been such angels. The nurses would check in on me every few minutes. They helped me put my hair back when I was getting sick, literally would hold the container and wipe my lips after each time. They brought ice packs for my head, ice water to drink, anything I would ask for, except alas to turn off the bad stuff ;-) Everyone who came in would be so sympathetic to my situation, obviously, I wasn't the first person they've seen go through it.
The other way I was able to make it through (besides keeping on the phone with my poor parents for hours at a time) was to talk to my friend Marla, who had gone through a similar experience last summer. She was in for about 6 weeks while pregnant with her twins. She was able to tell me, from first hand experience, that I would make it and to hang in and be strong.
She and I had met a handful of times before but weren't super close. Oddly enough, some force in the universe brought us a bit closer together just about a month before. We were out at a MOMs Club Mom's Night Out and just happened to sit next to each other (I might have mentioned this in another posting but my brain is quite foggy so please forgive me if I did) At the time, I thought the reason we were brought together was to discuss Dr. Tabsh. I was contemplating switching to him as my primary OB for the rest of the pregnancy but wasn't certain. She confirmed that he was an amazing doctor and felt that he had saved her babies. That pretty much settled my decision.
What she went on to tell me about her experience was quite shocking to me at the time. Little did I know, it would be something I was about to embark on. (She was in much earlier and longer than me. Luckily, I was admitted @ just under 33 weeks. She was here for about 6 and actually delivered her twins @ 31 weeks!)
So here I am, 19 days later and still typing. As I believe I've mentioned before, my eyes are in and out of clarity but for some reason, I can still type and text. This has been a saving grace for me. It has kept me in touch with my friends and family and allowed me to express myself via this Blog. Again... thank goodness for my Blackberry & 7th grade typing class!
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